WHAT CAUSES TROUBLE AND YOU CAN STAY OUT OF IT.

HOW TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE WITH PEOPLE
BY
OGIRI JOHN OGIRI
When was the last time you had trouble with people? What was the cause of the trouble? What effect did it generate? How did you quench the flame generated thereof? How prepared are you to extinguish the embers of trouble in future? The questions above deserve answers.
It is a reality that the business of trouble is trouble and that the greatest benefit of trouble is more trouble! Indeed, trouble is troubling. It is a cancer that, if left to grow, eats deep into the fabric of people’s life. But why do people get enmeshed in trouble? How do they get into trouble with people? Perhaps, a stream of responses to these questions is already flowing in your mind. Well, you know them better than I do. Your guess is as good as mine. Ask a philosopher, psychologist or sociologist and you are sure to be bombarded with a plethora of reasons that cause troubles for people. I have examined all these reasons, but the one that seems quite fundamental in creating trouble- unnecessary trouble- for people is the one revealed to me by my philosophy lecturer, that is, professor Experience, at the university of life, known as idle talk or loose talk, otherwise known as “AMEBO” which is highly directed by an unbridled tongue.
Idle talks emanates from one’s inability to keep serious secrets. Some people find it difficult to keep a secret. If they do not say it, they are incomplete. They just can shut up. Making such people to keep an important secret given in confidence and trust is like forcing an antelope to lay an egg. How often do you hear something told to you by a friend in trust and confidence and yet let the cat out of the bag by divulging it without considering the damage such idle talks can possible cause to the character and personality of the individual involved? One minute you are told a secret, the next minute you divulge it and the result? Trouble of  course. Some people take pleasure in using loose talks to pull others down. The paradox of truth here is that you cannot hold a person down and go up yourself, because you need to stay down with him to be able to hold him down firmly. Otherwise, he/she will rise up the moment you rise to go up.
To stay of the trouble caused by idle talks, therefore, it is necessary that you review honestly the level and magnitude of trust you have in your friends. Do you think you know your so- called friends? Remember, the most lethal injury is inflicted from within. Those who are very much likely to kill you are those who know you and know a lot about you. After all, the worm that kills the guinea corn plant usually comes from the root of such guinea-corn plant. It is silly to trust people too quickly. Give them enough time to prove themselves.
Besides, you need to ensure that you really know yourself, though, this may be difficult to achieve. My mentor, Reverend father Anthony Zakka of the catholic Archdiocese of Kaduna acknowledged that “the road to self – discovery and self-knowledge is a heinous task” emphasizing that “self discovery and self – knowledge are stepping stones to self-conquest” . According to the philosopher cum Theologian”, it is a reality that most people do not know themselves correctly, clearly and completely, in fact none of us does but we can acquire an approximately satisfactory degree of it” (see the cross News, sept. 2011 p 11).
Thus, to stay out of unnecessary troubles in your life, you will need to have the stomach to keep some secrets whether you are a student, teacher, pastor/Priest, husband, wife, or wherever, you find yourself. Even among the most loving husbands and wives, there exists some level of secrecy. Not every thing a husband tells his wife, in much the same way the wife does not tell her husband everything. In fact, some things are better kept secret than said because, the danger of revealing such secret may outweigh the danger of keeping it.
One of my good friends of many years, shared with me the other day, a thought- provoking wisdom taught  to her by her wise mother, and I  think  it is worth sharing here” Your stomach is not meant for food alone. It is also meant to house some secrets” especially those that may be damaging to the character and image of others. Condemning such secrets to the abyss of your stomach prevents you from keeping them in your mouth and vomiting them when you do not want to. This saves you as well as others from troubles and possible dangers. “It is foolish to speak scornfully of others. If you are sensible, you will keep quiet. No one who speaks gossips can be trusted with a secret, but you can put confidence in someone who is trustworthy” (Proverb 11:12-13).If you want to stay out of trouble, be careful what you say. (Prov.21:23).
To conclude this piece of advice, therefore, I leave you with the following wisdoms from the wise man, Sirach.
“Avoid idle talk and you will avoid a lot of trouble. Never repeat what you hear and you will have no regrets. Don’t tell it to your friends or your enemies unless it would be sinful to keep it to yourself. Whoever hears you will take note of it and sooner than later will hate you for it. Have you heard a rumour? Let it die with you. Be brave! It won’t make you explode. A foolish person trying to keep a secret suffers like a woman in labour. Whenever he hears a secret, it’s like an arrow stuck in his leg.
If you hear that a friend has done something wrong, ask him about it. May be it isn’t true. If it is true, he won’t do it again. If you hear that a neighbor has said something he shouldn’t, ask him about it. It might be a lie. Don’t believe everything you hear. A person may say something carelessly and not really mean it. Everyone has been guilty in this way at one time or another. If you hear something that makes you angry with your neighbor; ask him about it before you threaten him. leave the matter to the law of the most High”. (See Sirach 19:6-17). You better be careful what you say about others; somebody might say the same about you. You better be careful what you do to others, somebody might do it to you.
Almost on a daily basis, my prayer to God Almighty echoes the prayer by John ploughman” God, save me from my friends, with my enemies, I can take care of myself”. At least I know my enemies, but my friends, I hardly know them. Amen.
May God keep all of us out of trouble.
Ogiri John Ogiri lives in Abuja.