All Men/Women are the Same: Correcting a Serious Error in Logic and Making Our Relationships Work.

Image Credit: India Today

By Ogiri John Ogiri. 

I do not intend to drag you into the noble but tasking field of Logic by the title of this piece. The reason is that, though I do philosophy by virtue of existential experience, yet I am not a philosopher by training. I do not consider myself learned in the art and science of pure Philosophy. I am only a student of Economics learning how to solve society's economic problems of scarcity in the presence of unlimited wants.Therefore, I leave logic for logicians and philosophers, whose intellectual responsibilities it is to pontificate and contextualise philosophy so that issues can be understood in their proper contexts without creating unnecessary confusions. 

Having said that, let me go straight to the topic that warranted this piece: All men/ Women are the same.

To begin with a personal experience, in 2014 during my National Youth Service Corp programme in Gombe State, while on an evening promenade in FCE (Technical), I met a gorgeous, fair-skinned, tall African lady indigenous to Gombe State. In my aesthetic evaluation of her, she passed for a paragon of beauty. I was enthralled by her angelic voice when she finally responded to my innocuous greeting. After exchanging pleasantries, I took her phone number and made sure I got some tentative informations about her address.

After several follow-up calls, messages and many other entreaties, she finally accepted a date. By the time we met again, we were interacting like people who had known each other for years. For me, sitting beside her finally felt like being in heaven. I had always dreamt of the luxury of having her sit close to me some day. So, the meeting was a dream come true. This was to open the floodgates of such several meetings as I brazed the fear of nights and days and frequented her in school. She was a 200-level student of Engineering.

By the time we became very comfortable with each other, I decided to find out why she took an eternity to respond to my romantic entreaties. So, one day when she visited me, I started that conversation after treating her to the Benue brand of sumptuous meal of pounded yam and Ogbono soup, ( yes I love the culinary art). When I asked her why she took all the time in the world before responding to me, she said she was scared of guys. So, when I showed up, she concluded it was the same old story. "All men are the same" was her conclusion. 

In order not to further aggravate her apprehensions about my gender, I ended the conversation by diverting to a different topic. But l treasured that statement in my heart and I kept pondering over it day and night. 

The truth is, she is not alone. Her gender is not the only one with that kind of an unsubstantiated orientation and conclusion premised on just a few nasty relationship experiences with the male gender. My own gender is equally culpable in this logical error based on their own experiences. This is why I became interested in unearthing this obviously wrong generalisation. I would have ignored it as it is too exaggerating to be true but the potential effect of this kind of logical error on the psyche and worldview of young people who look forward to beautiful relationships as well as adults in wonderful relationships elsewhere cannot be ignored. 

I, honestly, think that one should be scared of anyone who absolutely believes that all men or women are the same. That person must be an irredeemable, unrepentant prostitute.  How many men and women live in Nigeria? How many of them live in your immediate environment? How many men or women have you dated? 

Let us check out the following statistics. 

According to the National Bureau of Statistics in a 2016 Statistical Report on Women and Men in Nigeria, "In 2015, the population of Nigeria is estimated at 183 million people, consisting of 92,387,474 males and 90,989,254 females."  A more recent population figure is put at over 200 million people according to the Word Bank(2021) Country Population Report on Nigeria. In the World Bank (2021) report accessed via data.worldbank.org, the total number of female is 49.5 percent of the entire population while that of the male is estimated to be over 107 million. 

What this means is that, when someone states that all men or women are the same, such a person is conveying an insinuation that he or she has dated either all the men or women in Nigeria or the ones in his or her local area of dwelling. We know this is not feasible. So, it is only those who have achieved the impossible feat of dating every man or woman in an area that should hold and espouse the statement that all men or women are the same in matters of relationships. If you have not, however, achieved that feat, then there is no need to use it for it amounts to wrong generalisation.

My final word of advice is this; your relationship is unique to you. It is your responsibility to work it out with whatever works for you. Do not copy someone else's method. What works in my house may not necessarily work in your house. Our partners are from different backgrounds. 

Further, it is not advisable to measure the success or failure of your relationship using some other people's templates. You will fail. Nobody is honest enough to reveal details of every battle fought in their relationship. Only unwise people feel the misleading need to tell others about all their secrets losses and triumphs in their war rooms. The wise ones learn lessons and make progress with those lessons learnt. 

Besides, your past nasty relationship experiences should never be allowed to interfere in your present relationship. Have fun. Enjoy your relationship as you both make efforts to make it work. The truth is, most people who tell you they do not take shits in their relationships are actually eating it behind the scene. In any relationship where peace exists between the parties involved, one of them is a fool. Two wise people easily sink the ship of relationship. But when one becomes the fool, the wise one no longer sees a competitor. Know this and know peace.

Always remember this, all men are not the same; all women are equally not the same. 

Have fun!

-Ogiri John Ogiri.