Respect for Elders in my Generation

Photo Credit: The Guardian.

By Ogiri John Ogiri

Growing up in my community in those days, I discovered that there were certain unwritten rules that seemed to be somehow unconsciously ingrained in the heart of every member of the communities in my generation. A breach of some of those rules or moral codes came with consequences. For instance, it was almost a taboo for a younger person to expect or even allow an older man to greet him (younger person) first. In the morning, afternoon, at night, in the market square, on the road, a younger person was expected to greet an elderly person with a head slightly propped forward to show respect to one he greeted. A younger person was not expected to extend a handshake to an elderly person first. It must be initiated by the elderly person. And where this was the case,a younger person receiving such a salutary handshake was expected to support,with his left hand, his right hand. The boys were expected to bow while the girls went briefly by the knees.

Furthermore, during a public gathering of community members at burials, festivals etc or private gathering of family members during meal times, the sharing of meat followed a strict unwritten code which prescribed that a younger person allow an elderly person to take his or her share before he (the younger one) could take. It was a turn-by-turn thing (anyankwu) with the eldest taking first. Anything to the contrary was treated as a flagrantly outright disrespect for an elder. One interesting thing was that the elders would always reserve the best and the richest part of any animal for themselves. If the animal killed for food was a cow,goat,sheep,or a pig, the heart,kidney, liver jointly known in Idoma parlance as "ochotu" or "ochébé" were reserved for the elders or the head of a family. The same thing was applicable if a fowl(ugu),duck(ikogo,idangblo), Guinea pig (ije) partridge (éwa) or any other mature bird was killed for food. It was expected that the gizzard or "ikpléché" be kept for the head of a family or be given to an elderly person. As children, we were not allowed to eat any of those parts unless, it was given to us or there was no elderly man present. 

Again, if you were caught eating an egg(Aj'ugu, ayi k'ugu) without a good reason, you were in trouble. Those of us who would climb into the rack(oda) in our mother's kitchen to steal a small portion of fish(éb'ényi) or grass cutter (obije) while our parents were away on their farms knew that we were in for a serious trouble if they(parents) found out. If my mother particularly caught us, we were finished. My mother of the blessed of memory, Mrs. Juliana Ochanya-Oche Ogiri was a staunch believer in the theory that, the body sometimes hears better than the ears.( okpiye ge p'éla fi'aho aa). In my Idoma parlance, we refer to it as 'The Odeh Agbaka's Theory". She rarely used a cane. Her right palm was enough to pass the right message across to us. By the time she landed one on our backs, "pam!", we quickly realized that M&B stood for May &Bakers. We needed no prophet Elijah to warn us to behave well. My mother would not tolerate stealing in any form. 

In my generation, we dared not disrespect an elderly person. Respect for elders was held sacrosanct.I was opportuned to have lived with my paternal grandfather, Mr. John Ogiri (Ogli) Onoja at Ai-dungulu Ingle Edumoga,my hometown, briefly before he died in the year 1990 at a ripe old age. As little as I was,I would always follow my grandfather to his yam farm whenever he was going,not to till the soil or do any work but to eat roasted yam (ihi oopa) served with palm oil mixed with fermented locust beans (okpehe) in ground fresh pepper (akoko ochocho). He always had that with him on the farm. He was one of the most successful farmers in his time. I must confess he had a special affection for me. I was named after him by my father, Mr. Andrew Udeh Ogiri. He would always want me to follow him to the farm. I learnt a lot of things about life from him in addition to the ones I was to later learn from my maternal grandmother. During one of such outings in one of his yam(ihi) farms,he took me round showing me how to plant yams. I got to know names of various species of yams both male and female yams in Idoma language that day. Such yam species as "ododio,Adlo,ameh,ahangu, uko,ihi k'oyibo " etc were well known to me as little as I was. One thing he never compromised was his constant admonition on respect for elders and the need for one to be hardworking in order to succeed in life. He hammered that into my head as often as he could. But he could be lavishly generous with the use of the cane when the need to correct us arose. Such was the hallmark of a good disciplinarian.

In my generation,we did not talk back at our parents or interrupt an elderly person while he or she talked. Silence while the elders talked was golden. To even look at an elderly man or woman eye-to-eye while they scolded one was even considered an act of disrespect. You would be beaten or flogged and still had your only right to cry taken away from you. We learnt obedience in humility. 

In my generation, we dragged no chair with our elderly men and women. We were expected to always surrender, stand up from our seats for the elderly ones to sit. Even if a seat rightfully belonged to you, you must give it up. An elderly person was not expected to stand while you sat. It was abnormal. We gave them respect without any prompting from anyone. It was natural.

In my generation, we did not envy what did not belong to us. We did not crave for what we or our parents could not afford. We valued and appreciated what was available. We were contented with the little we had. What was not available to us yet or what we did not have did not belong to us. "Longer-throat" was not tolerated by our parents. God helped you if you followed your mother or father out and somebody offered you meat or money or food and you collected without first turning to look at or hear what your mother's or father's face communicated either in approval or in disapproval. 

In my generation, we accounted for the sources of whatever material gifts we took home from outside. As long as those items were not given to you or procured by your parents, you must explain very convincingly. As a boy,you went home with money(ije),clothes(ili,opa) or foot wears(adaba), bicycle (Égélé,Églé), you must explain who gave them to you and why.

For the girls, they knew they dared not go home with any soap,cloth,footwear, cream,ear ring or necklace given to them by a man. They must explain. 

Even at night,you would not join your friends at the village square (ikpoke) to play by moon light unless your parents was satisfied that you had finished all your domestic chores at night,and God helped you if you returned late. That was when you realize fully the effectiveness of the "Odeh Akpaka's Theory".

It was unthinkable for anyone to challenge parental authority.Their authority was as holy as that of God.

Today I can raise my head high and say that I am proud of my parents and grandparents for what they knew and taught me. I want my children to be proud me one day too when I won't be here anymore. I am proud of my generation. But,will your children be proud of you when you are no more here? That is a million dollar question.

Culled from " My Generation: My Pride" unpublished by Ogiri John Ogiri.