Do Not Fall for What He Has; Fall for Who He Is.
Today is Valentine's day and, incidentally, it is a day set aside by many to celebrate love even though love is supposed to be celebrated every second of every minute of every hour of every day of our lives. Love is the most beautiful feelings that has ever happened to man. Yet it is the most dangerous, misunderstood emotion in the world. We are happy when we love and are loved. We hurt when we don't love and are not loved.
As it's typical of a day like this, many young people will go out to search for love and to celebrate love. The red, white and black colour will dot our aesthetic landscape today. Sensational song will be played from across all meeting points of affection today too.
For the guy, he is already armed with the right words to spew out in a manner that will strike the right ears and the soft heart of the girl almost with military precision. After all,the axiom that men are stimulated by what they see while women are stimulated by what they hear still holds true. The girl on her part is armed with the right emotional ears and heart ready to hear and listen to the right man who is ready to say the right words. Some will engage and be engaged today. This is an undeniable experience of a season like this.
Unfortunately, as a girl, making a choice of who means well for you is often a herculean task facing you. But I think it is not so difficult. All that is required is for you to allow the eyes of your mind to see beyond what a man has into who he really is.
A lot of guys know that many of our ladies have become overly materialistic in their own expectations of what love should mean. With increased globalization and advancement in technology in the face of the failure of the structural/institutional adjustment programmes of successive administrations,over the years, to address unemployment, job losses,poverty, lack and deprivations leading to our current status as the poverty capital of the world, the commodification of relationship has become an unfortunate reality. Therefore, every relationship is now seen by many Nigerian girls as an investment opportunity in a commercial cum ecological environment where survival of the fittest is now a norm. Men have equally devised a means to appeal to this materialistic sense of women.
Consequently,many guys while introducing themselves to ladies during their first meetings usually focus more on those aspects that expose what they have. For instance, a typical Nigerian guy may begin "Hi, Angela, I'm Frank. I'm a graduate of Computer Engineering from XYZ University. I work with an oil firm as an engineer. I live in a two-bedroom bungalow downtown. I'm really down for you and would like to go out with you and bla bla..." Then the girl,unhesitatingly,would be like "Oh my God, you're working in an oil firm? This is amazing. I'm happy to meet you and bla bla..." Now in all this,you can see that the guy introduced himself based on what he has while asking the girl out and expectedly, the girl,thanking her stars for meeting such an amazingly rich guy, gladly accepted. She didn't bother to find out or know who he is. On the other hand,If the guy had presented himself by saying "Hi, I'm Frank. I'm a graduate.I teach in a private school in the neighborhood but still looking for a job. I believe in little beginning but I'm committed to building a great future with my little effort. I like you and would like to go out with you and bla bla..." I assure you that many average Nigerian girls won't bother listening to this guy until the end before zooming off. In fact,they will tactically let the guy know they're not interested. To them, this type is not ready. Only a few wise,foresighted ones would give this guy a chance.
Now this is where the problem of most relationships begin. Many ladies go out hoping to find true love by falling for what a man has instead of falling for who he is. Let me shock you with the fact that, that god-fearing quality you're looking for in a man is not found, and will never be found, in what a man has; it can only be found in who a man is. I believe that every guy who goes out searching for a woman is like a marketer who goes out looking for customers by advertising his product. He knows there are customers who can easily be won by telling them about the qualities or features of his product. He equally knows that there those who (and they fall into the minority) can only be won by advertising to them the benefits of his product. This he uses to his advantage. Wise customers are more interested in the benefits of the products being advertised but the majority are easily enthralled with the qualities or features of the products. Eventually,a good marketer can win and retain more customers in the long by advertising to them the benefits of his product than the one who advertises the qualities or features of his product to his customers. In the same vein, a wise woman is likely to go for who a man is. A short-sighted woman, on the other hand, is likely to go for what a man has. Whether or not this choice will make you happy internally in the end is what makes the difference. But your inner happiness should be more important than anybody's material possession(s).
Let me explain here that "What a man has" are those material possessions of his. They don't define who he is. They can't define whether he is kind,god-fearing,humble, hospitable, tolerant or understanding. They can only define his material possession or show you the externalities of his wealth. On the other hand, "who a man is" refers to his real self. He can't run away from it. Who he is defines whether he is going to be god-fearing,humble, empathetic, understanding,tolerant or accommodating in the long run. This is important in the choice of a partner.
Let me end with a restatement of my initial advice: Woman, fall in love with who he is before loving what he has so that when what he has are no longer there,your love for who he is can be adequate to sustain the relationship against all odds. Man, show her who you're before showing her what you have so that when what you have is no longer available, she can still brace the odds and love you happily.
Happy Valentine's day!
©Ogiri John Ogiri.
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