Some Tips for Marital Success

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By Ogiri John Ogiri

I have come to observe so far that one factor with a high tendency towards instigating marital problems in most homes today is getting married to "whoever is ready." Sometimes,most young people take this decision in defiance to any consideration bordering on whether or not the "ready and available" person is genuinely friendly, empathetic, nice,tolerant of dissidence, accommodating, calm and understanding in moments of disagreement and easily given to genuine forgiveness. The consequence, unfortunately, has come mean that more relationships have experienced irredeemable damage now than it has ever been.

Don't just get married to whoever is ready only financially and emotionally; get married to the one whom you love and can live with. Marry that person who is your friend in truth and in character. A God-fearing person is not without these two attributes. He or she has great and amazing character and lives truly and in truth. How amazing it is to get married to the one before whom you can shout,laugh,fart and dream big without being shouted down;without fear! 

Again,If both of you come from the same tribe, then let most of your conversations be done in vernacular. But where this is not the case, then make effort to learn your spouse's local dialect and communicate with him or her in the dialect whenever you speak to each other. The reason is that,what you may say in the English language that may result in unnecessary quarrellings or misunderstandings can,surprisingly, become funny and cause laughter if communicated in your local dialect. Most communication problems in relationships occur because It is not easy to understand meanings of meanings. Honestly, meanings still have meanings in the English language. What you may intend to communicate by a particular message can be grossly misunderstood, misinterpreted and misrepresented by  your partner. It doesn't always mean he or she is a bad person; it only explains the fact that, as humans, we see and interpret messages differently sometimes because of our different backgrounds and socio-cultural experiences.

Another thing I have equally observed is that, it is not all insults from our loved ones that are intended to truly insult us. Sometimes, they are cries for help. They may have been through a lot bearing everything silently and alone,and now they seem to have got to the breaking point. Unfortunately, we are too busy to listen to them. Angry outbursts and open confrontations at the slightest opportunity therefore become easy weapons of emotional defence at their disposal. We must be careful not to aggravate the situation by a counter-confrontation.What the person may simply be communicating through those insults may be "please I need your help. I just need you to listen to my silent cries for help. Feel my silent pains and struggles. I need somebody to lean on and talk to". Since he or she couldn't get your attention through his or her peaceful entreaties, he or she can become confrontational. So watch out. Before you react angrily to any insult from your loved ones (spouse or partner) next time, take a deep breath and find out why. You have a duty to be an active listener. Most marital crises would be averted or resolved if only we could listen.

Try these and you can save yourself from seventy percent (70%) of marital problems in the long run.

©Ogiri John Ogiri